Irony

http://wendyista.blogspot.com/2010/01/michael-douglas-son-pleads-guilty-to.html

Michael Douglas' son arrested for smuggling drugs. In the 2002 movie Traffic, which starred Mr. Douglas, his character's daughter was on a rollercoaster ride of every drug in the book. Irony...

Back from paradise

Last week saw me at a conference in Orlando, beautiful, stunning, amazingly wonderful place, reclaimed from the swamp. The conference was very enlightening and spent a lot of time discussing the direction the VA is going, with a lot of focus on Social Media and Web 2.0, like Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, etc.

It's going to be an interesting year.

Boredom

So here I am. It's a Saturday, the girls are at their mother's until tomorrow morning. I'm using their laptop, a mini-netbook, nothing fancy... But, I'm facing the problem I always do, This down time, the time devoted to restocking my mental reservoirs, is instead spent on boredom. Thing is, without them, I don't know what to do with myself. I often game on weekends without the girls, but haven't done that since November, and probably won't again until February.

So I sit here, bored. Lost, adrift. My games, were all on my laptop, and I can play stupid flash games or mafia wars, but I really don't want to. I've got my Wii, but I haven't even hooked it up since I moved from Carlisle 10 months ago. I don't know if it's proof that they are my life, or that I have no life when I sit here on my couch, naked all day on a beautiful saturday, not warm enough to spend much time out, but it was a nice day when I went out briefly (to get some Mt Dew and return a library book my ex-gf got to prep for her college entrance exams and then never even looked at). I rearranged their science fiction section, put all the star wars books together, moved Terry Brooks' books together by series and order within the series... Yeah, I was bored, and at the library.

Did you know I worked 2 years as a librarian's aid in High School? I earned credits, had fun and got to indulge in sorting booksand setting everything up according to a system that made sense. Knowing that, I guess it makes more sense that I would do that, but it's still a pretty strong statement of boredom.

So yeah, I'm bored, lonely, and sadly alone. In a few days I go to Florida, that'll be a lot of fun. I'm nervous about it, but things will work out, they always do...

It's just another day

Yeah, I'm a big fan of Sir Paul McCartney, the other Beatles... I can take em or leave em, mostly leave them. As for the title...

The song is about routine, waiting patiently to be swept off your feet, finding one, who comes, and goes the next day... a seemingly passive search for love. It can work, but it's more likely to have you stuck, day in, day out, staring out your window wondering "Why not me." Then there are those of us who chase away a chance at love, who have been badly burned, and now stand outside the fire (to steal another song lyric), yearning to leap into the flames without holding back, but fearful and cautious, who always pull up short. Our excuses are many, and our shields are high. The distance is too far to meet, we don't mesh well, I have my children to think about and I don't want them to get hurt, many covers, excuses, and things, some more valid than others, many are obfuscations designed to protect an injured heart.

I don't know where I'm going with this, it's just kind of rambling and wandering.

Also, Transmetropolitan is amazing, if you haven't read it, pick it up. The trade paperbacks are reasonably priced, and simultaneously hilarious and thought provoking, set in the backdrop of a far-future transhuman earth.

My so called life

Yup, it's me, I'm still writing. After yesterday's enormity and rambling mess all put together I'm still confused.

Work has been interesting, as it always is, busy, as it usually is, I walked over a mile today playing photographer, fun and excercise, and well it is what it is.

I heard from my aunt a week or so ago, she's putting together a book with a biography of my Grandparents, which is awesome. I knew them well, but little of their early lives, and my daughters don't know them at all, except for a few stories. My oldest was about 4 months old when she saw my grandfather before he died and that's of course more than the other 2 have had a chance to see. I'd love to share my love of that great, giant of a man with my girls, grandma's still around, but I don't know when or if we'd have a chance to see her again, so getting to know her through any means would be awesome.

I haven't called my parents in a while, my little brother is injured and has been having money problems since he can't work and there are issues with his workers comp claim, and they want me to help. I've done so several times, more than I can afford, and it always puts me in a tight place with my creditors for the rest of the month. I don't begrudge him the help, I've made it clear many times I don't loan money to family, but I'm more than happy to give it if I can, and even if I can't, if I can rearrange things to cover it, I will.

I feel confused, lost, and like things are too much, too fast, and out of control, and I need to reclaim control before I will feel ready to move forward with my life. I'm getting comfortable though, and that scares me too. I'm happy and content being alone. Occasionally lonely, but good most of the time...

New Year, New Me

Well, it's a new year, resolutions have been made, life goes on, or tries to. A few updates...

My laptop is fried thanks to a bit of aggressive play from the girls, I'm hoping to hear from the repair shop soon and hope that I can at least recover the hard drive and information if the hardware is irrecoverable.

Love life... what love life? I finally got the ex-gf to abandon hope (and attempts) to get back together with me, dropping off her cat this weekend (she does rescue and I had agreed to foster the cat temporarily until she could find someone to adopt it). So my allergies should be clearing up. New girlfriend, she's got 4 kids, ranging from 10, 6, 5, and 3. They're sweet mostly, but undisciplined, and very violent towards each other except the oldest who seems cowed out of standing up for herself (granted she's much bigger and so fighting back the same way is vastly disproportionate, but as a result, the younger ones tend to push against her more often). I really like the new GF, but I'm not sure I can handle more than doubling the size of the family. They visited for a week, and we went down for the last weekend, and it was pretty chaotic, pretty unmanageable. I come from a family with 8 kids, so I'm not really intimidated by the size, but my girls are pretty well trained, and while active and playful, know fairly well where the limits are.

For instance, one night last week, we went out to eat. Her kids fought, screamed, yelled, and were generally rotten, making me realize I'd become "one of those parents" who takes kids out when they aren't capable of sitting down and behaving for a meal. My own girls, are awesome in comparison (this dinner was with her kids while mine were with my exwife for the evening), and while I may complain about how they behave and be reticent about taking them out, they're angels in comparison, and I don't have to yell, threaten, or beat them to get them to behave, a simple raised eyebrow, and "are you sure you should be doing that?" asked before they start to get out of hand usually fixes things.

I don't know, Maybe I'm looking for unhappiness. I'm comfortable with my life as it is, everything is settled into a regular pattern, I'm broke but happy and here is an opportunity to have more, but... I find myself shying away.

There's some legal stuff I need to take care of in reference to the divorce at any rate, but I felt sure at first, and now... not so much. Confusion has overtaken the place of surety.

The girls... I've been getting a lot of calls from the school nurse, and I'm thinking I might have to let the babysitter go... Although that's been coming for a while, and this is just the latest in a string of things... Her boyfriend is a heroin addict (he's doesn't spend time around the kids), her son told my youngest that to watch a movie she had to "kiss his peepee" (he's since been spoken to about it and is seeing a counselor, it was reiterated to my girls that if they ever hear anything like that again they are to tell a grownup immediately) , and last week she was very rude to my gf, very disrespectful about me, and the girls... After next week, I'm going to be looking into new help.

Speaking of next week, I'm going to Orlando for 4 days for a winter web workshop where the company will be discussing the direction we're headed for the new year and reviewing things that were developed over the past year. Plus there's a temple in Orlando and DisneyWorld is there too, SCHWEET!! I'm trying to figure out what new flight rules I'll need to obey, regarding carryon luggage and the like thanks to the pantybomber on Christmas. rat bastard.