Fun days at Last

Latest child support payment hasn't come through, not a big surprise, considering it went 8 months without an update before, at the risk of jail time, my ex was forced to get a part time job at McDonalds. I don't plan on the money, nor do I need it. As much as I can, I just bank it for the girls' college. Occasional family/household expenses come out of it, but not much, and not often.

I know I'll be OK, regardless, one of the nice things about not driving 3 hours a day to get to work is much less on gas or turnpike tolls. Money which can instead be spent on, well, anything else.

I know I need to start dating at some point. The cracks in my self esteem are mostly healed from my ex, but the more I think about it, the more I recognize areas where I simply haven't had to look for cracks, because I haven't done anything to address those areas, like interpersonal relationships with potential significant others.

I'm not going to paint myself as some kind of martyr. We were horrible to each other, and a horrible couple. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, I took as much as I could, and then started flinging back the emotional stress. She would bring up fights dead and gone from years ago, and smash my possessions, or put holes in the walls, and I would withdraw emotionally, and physically. There are times I worked 18 hour days (when I only had one job) simply so that I wouldn't have to go home. When I had two jobs, (most of the marriage) that particular task was accomplished for me, and it was a welcome respite from home life.

I think that's a huge part of the surprise she had when I filed for custody. Because I didn't want to be around her, she assumed I didn't want to be around my children. I love my girls more than anything in the world, and I would not let them remain with that... monster is woefully inadequate a term, but it will have to suffice for now.

So, now, I've got a good job that pays well, is fulfilling, close to my new apartment, I get home in time to get my oldest off the bus, and generally I can't complain. See number 9 for why I start to get worried when I say that.

I wonder if I'll make it back to Idaho this year... I hope I get a visit at least.